#IWD2017 Women’s Chronicles: Trend Versus Comparison

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The 21st century woman has her demons in all forms. Our priorities are constantly changing at the expense of our passion or worse off at the expense of what we are good at or can do.
Let me  share a quick story. I am lazy when it comes to make up, but every year at least once or twice, I would have a special occasion and do some justice to my looks and upgrade it. 
Imagine my choice of words to narrating that story “upgrade”. So meaning without makeup I never felt my face was upgraded. 
How low can I get on myself after such description of my own identity?
I can barely recognize myself, talk less of feeling confident after such statement. 
In context you might think well you were describing you and not me. You see it’s completely ironic because it applies to you too.
When we follow a general direction in which something is developing or changing, we automatically follow a TREND
This brings me to my current hair style. My hair is natural and being natural at this very moment is me following a trend. Why? Because I did it at a time when many were doing it. BUT most importantly, I did it because I could connect with it.  
Now it doesn’t automatically make me a hater to a woman wearing a wig or having her hair permed, nor does it make me feel less of her because she is not doing or rocking what I am rocking.
I love it when I see a woman all natural, make up free and oozing freshness of mama nature. Bear with me here because, I absolutely love it too when I see a woman with make up, permed hair, wig, or whatever style that feels right for her.
But most often we are misguided. We are made to think that if she doesn’t fit into that box at the moment, then she is less of a woman. If her hair isn’t natural and she is Black, then she is not a strong, independent, confident woman. Then, she is tagged as one who isn’t proud of herself because we automatically have placed women who wear wig and do make up, as one hiding behind a  mask.
HOW DO WE THINK?  It feels like we constantly pay no attention to the functions of our brains. We ignore its reasoning and focus on irrelevant things.
Let us stop adding too much meaning to things at our own expense. This is the reason why when Brazilian hair became the norm, women would do the impossible to attain it because we made it appear to be the solution to a problem we never had in the first place.
Now that natural hair is the new “black hair slaying fresh”, we think we all must rock it. Then “we”  that have it feel like we are royalty and the ones without are not. 
ALL WOMEN ARE ROYALTY!!!  The hair you rock or the dresses you choose to wear doesn’t make you any less. 
What makes us less of what we are is when we try to follow trends that we genuinely know doesn’t look good on us, instead of rocking what makes us feel more CONFIDENT and increases our SELF-ESTEEM.
Tomorrow please don’t go out half-naked and say I am still royalty because I feel amazing in this. HELL NO…don’t confuse DECENCY as INDECENCY.  I never said so and will never stand for such. DRESS AS YOU WOULD LOVE TO BE ADDRESSED!!!
So the next time you watch a movie or a female cast dressed in a certain way, please be mindful that one, she is playing a role, two, she is not you, three, you are meant to learn a lesson out of the movie and lastly take the good and not the bad.
Furthermore, when you see a friend with a style, hair do or life style working well for her, PLEASE stop at only appreciating it.  If you must be her, do it your own way because wanting to be someone else, is a waste of the person you are.  So, at any given time we try to be others, we fail miserably at it.
Attend her wedding and love it, BUT don’t spend your life time trying to get the same. Love her hair and make it known to her, BUT don’t go chopping all of yours if you genuinely don’t feel like it or worse off, when you know fully well you don’t have a growing hair, or a hair type that functions well as natural.
As we understand how much trend feeds on comparison, may we stop being vitims of the two and stand out as individuals.
We may have a look alike, BUT we are not SAME!!! BE YOU!!! KNOW YOU!!! LEARN YOU!!! FIGURE OUT WHAT WORKS FOR YOU!!! ROCK IT!!!
#IlluminatingLady #NudityInWriting

Grace Kargobai is the Founder of Illuminating Ladies, a global network of Illuminessence ambassadors, facilitated on WhatsApp. She is a graduate of Njala University with a major in Environmental Management and Quality Control. Her hobbies are writing, talking, singing and dancing.

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