New Year, New You!

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I can’t believe it’s already 2017!

Seriously, where did 2016 go? It flew by.

As always, a new year is a time to reflect on our lives and make resolutions to do better. Maybe you want to lose weight. Maybe you want to eat a healthier diet. Maybe you want to quit smoking. Maybe you want to break a bad habit.

Maybe you want to find a special someone.

I do admit, it’s been a long time since I’ve dated. So long that my daughter asked me if I’m asexual! Besides cringing, her comment made me think about my life and how I’m stuck in a comfort zone. I’m definitely not asexual—but I am also truly fearful of getting hurt.

If you’re like me, and you’re single, you know what it is to put your heart on the line only to have it broken. And it doesn’t feel good. After a few times, you start building a wall around your heart.

Sure, a special person might be able to help tear the wall down, but if you get hurt again, the wall only goes up even higher. Pretty soon, you’re nice and comfortable in your cocoon. It’s safe in your cocoon.

I’m certainly open to dating, but unlike some of my friends I’m not desperate to find a significant other. For the past number of years I’ve been focused on being the best mom I can be, as well as focusing on my career. When someone comes into my life, I want him to enhance it.

Right now, my cocoon is a warm, safe place. But it’s dawning on me that before I know it, my daughter will be off to university. I won’t have any other children to focus on. And do I want to be alone then?


I’m going to have to come out of my cocoon. I’m going to have to be willing to put myself out there and “see what happens.” I’m going to have to be willing to allow myself to get hurt.

Lord knows I don’t want to get hurt again, but the perfect guy isn’t just going to show up at my door. (Perhaps in one of my novels, but not in real life!) So it’s time for me to try being fearless.

So in 2017, I’m going to try to put myself out there and see if I can meet someone I like. No stress, no pressure, but I’m going to try.

And I encourage you all to face your own fears in 2017. Put yourself out there and face that challenge you’ve been putting off. It might be losing weight, ending a bad relationship, amending a strained friendship—it can be anything. But whatever it is, be fearless! You can do it.

I lost some friends in 2016, as I’m sure many of you did. You only need to watch some news to hear horrible stories with other tragedies that have dramatically changed people’s lives, or taken them.

In other words, life is short. So don’t put off for tomorrow what you can do today. Clichés, yes—but still true.

So we’ll see if I have a significant other by the end of 2017. It would be nice, but again, I’m not putting any pressure on myself. However, I’m going to try to really be open.

Wish me luck!

Kayla Perrin is an internationally acclaimed, award-winning USA Today and Essence best-selling author, with 46 books in print. Perrin is best described as passionate, fearless, motivated and self-driven to excel at whatever she pursues.

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