Is it okay to miss a friend’s wedding for a major special event?

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Recently, I heard about a woman who skipped her friend’s wedding for an Adele concert. I can’t remember if this person with a best friend, but I believe she was at least a very close friend of the bride. Unfortunately, this person found herself in a major dilemma. Attend her good friend’s wedding, or go to the Adele concert which was scheduled for the same day?

She chose to go to the Adele concert, and it sounds as though the bride has not forgiven her. Which begs the question, is it okay to miss a friend’s wedding for a major special event?

I suppose that in the mind of the invitee, the Adele concert could have been a once-in-a-lifetime event. Adele isn’t always on tour, and she has taken long breaks between putting out music. But this is a justifiable reason to miss a close friend’s wedding?

A wedding is also a major special event—and hopefully for your friend a once-in-a-lifetime event. If you’re invited, it’s because you are special to the bride and groom in a meaningful way. Your presence matters.

You and your friend no doubt go way back. Perhaps you’ve cried over bad relationships in the past, gotten each other through emotional times. The point—there’s a definite foundation to your friendship. That’s why the bride wants you at the wedding. To create more special and meaningful times on the most important day of her life.

So for you to skip the wedding of a close friend for a concert, you are inviting your friend’s wrath. Not only will she be upset, I’m sure she will be deeply hurt.

Imagine several people telling the bride and groom that they’d love to attend the wedding but there’s a big concert or sporting game final or something like that that they plan to attend instead. Can you imagine how hurt the bride and groom would be to know that their special day, their once-in-a-lifetime day, doesn’t rank high enough on your list of important things to attend? Or to put it another way, try putting yourself in the shoes of the bride and groom. How would you feel if your friends whom you invited to your wedding started to tell you that they couldn’t go because there was an NBA playoff game that they have tickets to, or that an artist they love is in town performing a concert? Would you react well to that?

I know we live in a world dazzled by celebrity, but it’s so important to remember what really matters in our lives. And that’s the people we love. The people we are close to. The people whom we can turn to in times of need. The ones with whom we share our happy moments and our sad ones.

So no, I personally don’t feel that it’s okay to skip a close friend’s wedding for a concert or any other event. Now, if you bought the tickets ahead of time before the wedding date was announced, you could have a talk with your friend to see what can be done. Hopefully there can be a happy resolution. Perhaps the wedding date at this point isn’t set in stone. However, with most wedding dates being set well in advance, it’s likely that concert tickets would come up after the fact.

If you are really going to be desperately unhappy that you’re unable to attend this concert of your dreams, then perhaps there is one solution. Provided the concert is happening within reasonable driving distance of the wedding venue, you could go to the wedding ceremony, be there to support your friend, bring your gift, and then leave later to head to the concert. You might even be able to attend part of the reception. But if not, and you’re able to attend the ceremony and leave your gift, this may suffice. In fact, this could be a win-win situation.

Ultimately, the decision is yours. But we should all remember to treat others the way we would like to be treated. Yes, it’s exciting to be at a concert you’ve dreamed about, but isn’t it also exciting to be at the wedding of a dear friend who actually means something to you on a personal level as he or she commits themselves to the person of their dreams? There may be another chance for future Adele concert in a different town or at a different time. Your friend’s wedding should be a priority, and you should want to be a part of it to help the bride and groom celebrate.

Is it really worth risking a longtime friendship over a concert or other special event? I don’t think so, but I would love to hear your opinions. Have you been in this situation? If so, how did it turn out?

Kayla Perrin is an internationally acclaimed, award-winning USA Today and Essence best-selling author, with 46 books in print. Perrin is best described as passionate, fearless, motivated and self-driven to excel at whatever she pursues.

1 Comment

  1. Chadsterd@gmail.com'

    Ronald

    June 26, 2017 at 2:11 pm

    Oh come on? Do you really even need to discuss this? If you had something like a prepaid vacation, then it is worth questioning whether you cancel it or not. But a concert, or play, or Tuesday night trivia at the local bar? I guess I don’t get invited to many weddings, but it is appalling to me that anyone would even think of asking this question, unless the friendship was built on pretty shaky foundations already.

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